And thoughts go by

I haven't overly felt like posting lately. I was worried that they were getting too dark but when I mentioned this a bit ago to my parents, they said that the nature of blogging, inherently introspective, can always come across as a bit deep and therefore, sometimes a bit sad. Maybe melancholy. And to be honest, I haven't felt all that chipper as of late, being haunted by memories of the past. Memories that cause my anxiety riddled mind to perpetually ask what if. But what if's never really help because you can't change what happened. And perhaps if you'd known what you know now, things could have been different. Forgive yourself for not knowing. But this isn't about that. Last night, I had a memory of hot toddy's. A good memory. So instead of doing homework, I made a hot toddy, curled up in an arm chair, and watched a movie.  Then for a lecture today, we discussed death which given my profession, should be something we talk about. The prof told us to reflec...

I've been doing more yoga lately. I follow a lady from Britain who posts live workouts and twice a week she does yoga. A few times now, she's started by saying, "can you let yourself be here, in your body, away from everything else. Can you allow yourself into this space". And we move through a series of poses and stretches and I get frustrated because my body isn't strong enough or not flexible enough. Its a process and I have to keep practicing. And at the end, she comes back to what she's said at the beginning. And, depending where you stand on the idea of chakra or being blocked emotionally, take this as you will. But I often find myself crying at the end of these sessions because something has released inside me. Sometimes your body knows more than your head. I can't often pin point why I'm crying but perhaps its because my body knows something isn't quite right with the world right now in a way that my mind has yet to understand and accept. I...